I said in my last post that I was going to continue blogging about a couple of conversations I'd had with my dad while my mom was in the hospital. This is my second blog on something I've been reflecting on: fear-driven parenting.
Fear is a very real force. It can be used for good or evil. Fear is the thing that makes us cautious walking down a street alone at night. Fear can make us cautious in many situations, which is wise. But fear also has the power to make us emotional nut cases who are afraid to do or touch anything new or anything that we don't know what the out come will be. Part of life is risk. But fear keeps us from taking the very risks that can end up changing us for the better.
While I'm not much for the hype that comes with the death of celebrity, I saw a quote from Mary Tyler Moore, who passed this week, saying something about this topic. She said, "Take chances. Make mistakes. That's how you grow. Pain nourishes courage. You have to fail in order to practice being brave."
When it comes to my kids, like many of you, I look at the world and feel overwhelmed. I have 3 girls, and girls are MEAN sometimes. I look at the political, social and educational climate and I have way more questions than answers. I remember being little and wanting to grow up, I believed grown ups had a lot of answers. Now that I'm here myself, I'm acutely aware of how little I know. How much you hope you're doing the best thing for your kids and family, but the truth is, we don't know what's going to happen or how things will turn out in the end. Even decisions you are CONFIDENT in as a parent at the time, you may look back and regret.
I find myself often looking at my kids and wanting to protect them. Protect them from mean people. Protect them from negative messages about their bodies, their beliefs or their lives. I want to keep them in my safe little bubble and just try to love them the best I can. But that fear, if allowed to drive my parenting in the short- or long-term, will cause so much damage as well. Not allowing them the freedom to fall, fail, or face adversity will cause them to be immature and cowardly perpetually. I can't save them from themselves or from the world around them. I have to allow them to practice bravery.
Sometimes, as I've learned as an adult, I am my own worst enemy at times. I think sometimes, "What if my girls had the thought about themselves that I just had about myself?" or "What if they make the same mistakes or even bigger mistakes than I made?" All parents understand these types of ongoing questions.
But my parents let me be brave many times, even when it scared them to death. I told my dad, I remembered him dropping me off for a trip to Morocco...when I was just 18...and it was only 2 years after 9/11. I told him, he must have been filled with fear when I initially said that I wanted to attend this trip. I'm amazed he let me go, to be honest, as a parent now. America and the Middle East in general had very serious tension. But mom and dad didn't tell me no, because I'd really felt a tug by the Lord that I was supposed to go. I raised the funds, and dad dropped me off, not knowing what might happen to me. That parental fear could have guided that decision. But the truth is, that trip changed the trajectory of my life. The reason is, though I don't recall a lot of the specifics of that trip, I came to the courageous decision to break up with my high school boyfriend of 2 1/2 years because of convictions received when I was on my own in the desert (literally). Yes, I had a team with me, but for my life purposes, I was on my own. I was able to listen. The Lord got my heart. It changed my life for the long haul. If my parents hadn't have let me go, I'm not sure if I would've continued in the relationship or not, but I can tell you that their decision to set their fear to the side for His glory and my good was absolutely the right thing to do.
This is just one of several examples I have (maybe one of the most extreme, arguably), but this example that they set here in this circumstance makes me seriously step back and reflect on my own life and my own fears. I have to be practicing throughout their life, that I have to let go and let them explore life. I have to let them fall. I have to coach them (often from my own experience) how to navigate broken hearts, shady friends, loving people too much to the point of blindness, etc.
Here's the truth: If I had not had the struggles I did, if I didn't experience crushing defeats and bad choices, I wouldn't have learned how to get up after falling down. I can't wish away trials from my kids, or let my fear dictate their young existence, because if I do...they stay immature forever. I can't have 30 year olds who can only reason like 10 year olds because I kept them in a bubble and didn't let them do hard things. As scared as I get sometimes, the truth is, if they don't face their own failings or the failings of others head-on, then they will become stagnant, immature and complacent/whiny adults. There is absolutely a place for discipline (that's another topic), but I am addressing my own fear here.
I'm afraid of what other parents think of me. I'm afraid of watching my little girl cry as her friend tells her they're not friends, or someone has stolen the boy she likes. I'm afraid of how men will look at my girls. I'm afraid that, because they're so lovely, that they will tempted to only be as valuable as their bodies look. I'm afraid of the kids who may say they're stupid, or worthless, or whatever terrible things kids say that are filled with untruth. I'm afraid they may not be able to handle money well. I'm afraid that they may struggle in school. This is just the beginning of my fears list...
But the truth is, if I let that apprehension drive my parenting, I will fail these kids on a wholly different level. I will go through the stages of parenting. At some point I will move from the parent-on-the-pedestal, manners-teaching, disciplinarian stage, to the coach and confidante stage (yes, I'm sure there are a billion stages, but these are the two biggies, I think). My role in their lives will change.
But they need me to be courageous enough to let THEM be brave. To try, fall and get up again. To move on from broken relationships, to study differently or harder for the next test in school, to fail a driver's written test 5 times (like I did, lol), to realize popular things don't always mean it's what's right, or whatever the trial. I need to love them well. To love beyond their actions and bad choices and to love the Imago Dei (image of God) in them. For some reason, God has chosen these girls for me and me for them. I will inevitably fail them. But part of learning to get up from failure is leading by example. I have to ask them for forgiveness, as 4 year olds or 40 year olds, for things that I've said or done that have hurt them. I've been called to shepherd their hearts in my imperfect way, guided by the Spirit. This means I leave room for the Spirit's guidance through tough times AND when I screw up, that I'm willing to admit it, because...no matter the age of my child...that Imago Dei remains. A wounded spirit in my toddler or teenager, is worth the conversation and confession, if necessary. I want to teach them relational reconciliation as well as overall resilience from tough things. This isn't easy. But it is necessary.
My final reflection is this: Some of the wisest people I know, have been through the TOUGHEST situations...sometimes that are so explicit in nature, that it's almost unbearable to listen to in my empathetic heart. But they had soft Spirits, that in the middle of doubt and pain, they were resilient. They were TEACHABLE. God worked through their stubbornness or pain or lamenting to bring them to a place of growth that wouldn't have been accomplished through only happy times and healthy relationships. I have to trust that the trials that God has coming down the pike for me or my kids are the ones that will draw us back to him, give us a chance to lean into him, and learn more about who He is and who we are in Him. It's not easy. I don't have answers, but I believe the Lord is really working on me to look at this particular side of my parenting. Honestly, I'm really grateful.
Saturday, January 28, 2017
Saturday, January 14, 2017
Leaning into Difficulty
While my mom was at Mayo before her surgery this past week, my dad and I got some quality one on one time together. It was humbling for me because I chat most commonly with my mom, but there's always been a special place in my heart for my dad. He's always been a man of quiet strength and whenever he speaks, I listen. It's been that way since childhood. When my dad was speaking, I remember that my world would stop. He'd always have a way of striking a balance between getting me to sit down and talk calmly with him (even though I was emotional) and standing back and giving me a look that said more than words ever could. My mom has always called me "your father's child" because of our similarities. To be considered similar to my earthly father is a privilege to me, because my dad tries his best to emulate his Heavenly Father whenever possible. He is wise and kind and it's an honor to be his daughter. I've never doubted for a moment that I was loved and he's always believed in me, even in his quietness.
So when my dad takes time to tell me that he's proud of me for something, it does something to me that words really don't suffice to express. So during our time together, my dad said something to me that I've been pondering for days. He told me that he's proud of me because of how I've grown and matured through leaning INTO difficulty.
I've been thinking about what this means and what it means to me as a parent, specifically. Sometimes in life we have trials that have been thrown at us and sometimes it's a mess of our own making. I've had both, just like everyone else. I'm not anything special, I don't have a secret formula, I'm not any more righteous or unscathed by life than anyone else. But the difficulties I have faced, there's been a steadiness that underlies it all that I cannot full explain nor can I produce it within myself. But I look at what my dad said, and I wonder, what are the things the Lord has taught me through all I've gone through, what habits have a built as a result of what I've seen and experienced? How does this affect my parenting?
I've learned that hard things happen. They can come from the inside or the outside. As dad said in one of our conversations, "Nobody signs on the dotted line saying, I'd like to have THIS problem." We often go through things we either didn't ask for or they are natural consequence of things we have chosen. But how we face our difficulties and what results we allow trials to produce in us DOES matter. There have been a lot of situations in my life that have caused me great pain that I couldn't control. I couldn't control the situation or the people in it. But I realized, through doing it wrong many times, that I am responsible for me, I don't get to shove blame. I don't get to say, "If you weren't the way you are, I wouldn't be the way I am." It's simply untrue. My circumstances do not define who I am, neither do other people's treatment of me. I cannot control these things, but I AM accountable for the way I am, the way I behave and the thoughts I have.
But the truth is, I'm just a freaking sinful and selfish as everyone else. My natural inclinations are toward myself, toward wanting to do things my way, to wanting to be right and believing that my self-interest is paramount. Only Christ himself moving my gaze away from myself has changed me. I'm still an immense work in progress. But after my dad said that, I've been reflecting on what God has changed in me that has made me better able to cope through difficulty.
I believe the Lord has been gracious to me in more ways than I could count. It's completely unmerited. But he has moved my heart with each hard thing closer to himself. One of the main things I can pinpoint that's changed my life is attention paid to thankfulness for his past faithfulness. I remember sitting in the hospital with my daughter's head injury that I couldn't explain and Child Protective Services, detectives and social workers grilling me for what felt like an eternity. I was so frantic after being told we couldn't be alone with our kids and being interrogated about every aspect of my marriage and family...that I got home and threw up. Emotion is real. I am always emotional in trial. I was tempted to despair. But I remember so vividly, the Lord slowing me down and prompting me to go through his past faithfulness throughout my life. I just started listing things he had done and seen me through up unto that point. The further I got down the list, the more overwhelmed with his love I became. He reminded me that he sees me. This did not surprise him. He was my ANCHOR (the name of this blog). All anchors have give, but even though I may feel that I am lost at sea, that anchor will pull me back. He was going to hold me through it, but I was responsible for how I behaved in the midst of the pressure of 7 months of social services. There is a balance.
When God slows me down, it's often through gratefulness. How have I leaned into difficulty? It's most often through grateful reflection on life and clinging to the faithfulness that has already been so clear throughout my life. From there, the Lord changes my perspective as I've slowed down. It's a process. It takes time, it is not an overnight thing. But over time, the fear of the situation is no longer the defining factor. The emotion no longer takes the wheel. I believe there is truly a reason the Lord spends so much time in the Old Testament telling Israel, "Don't you remember when I did this or that?...Talk about these with your children..." Israel were handed (or handed themselves) some really tough situations. What was so often God's response? "Remember." There is a powerful thing that happens when we remember the many things we have to be grateful for. Not just a lip service to "Oh yeah, thanks" kind of way. But in a deep and heartfelt thanks for the past faithfulness of God. There's something in us that hits the breaks on the "right here, right now" focus. When we pan out to see the tapestry of our lives, pointing out the moments of grace (and keep in mind it's only the times of grace we are cognizant of!), we start to see a view of our whole tapestry as a opposed to the snapshots in our mind. It takes time to reflect. Does it fix the immediate problem? Often, no. But what it does is it changes us, it changes our perspective, it reminds us that now is not the only time that has ever existed (although it feels that way at the moment).
We, like Israel, often forget from whence we came. Through our fallen nature, we are forgetful creatures. But "leaning into the difficulty" often means looking back at God's faithfulness and, while not seeing how everything is going to work out in the long haul, choosing to put your trust back in him to work all things out for HIS glory. That's what all of our stories are about. Every single one of our tapestries play a part in the beautiful artwork that he is putting together to show himself to the world. He is the main player, he is the one everything ultimately points to. So by looking backward, it causes us to be able to move forward. It doesn't fix the situation, it may not change your emotion, but it refocuses you on that there's a bigger story and a bigger reality than this moment. He sees you in that moment, he loves you in that moment, he sees the pain and the heartache and he knows it well from his own experience. But by gazing over the mountains and the valleys of life causes us to be more aware of who he is and the story he is telling. Through that, he changes our perspective and changes how we pray and how we act.
It is often when we are in our darkest places that we have the chance to see his glory shine the brightest.
I don't want my kids to miss seeing his glory. My propensity as a parent is to protect my kids. I don't want them to be hurt or have to deal with hard things. But the truth is, those hard things give them a chance to see God's faithfulness in the past and the present and, if they let it, it will allow them to entrust the trajectory of their lives to that faithfulness continuing all of their days. The times where I've grown the most have not been my happiest days. They've been the days where I had nothing left. I was at the end of myself. There was no where else to "dig down deep" into. Then I turned my eyes toward Jesus, and saw how he has carried me, and even though I didn't "feel" trusting, I leaned back into my anchor, the one that held me (even when I thought I was floating out to sea). While I do not wish difficulty on my children, I want them to know that difficulty is often the most fertile soil for growth...if they let it happen. I want to point them to slowing down to be grateful for what grace they've experienced up unto this point. I don't want them to be afraid of difficulty, or shy away from trial. If I truly desire for my children to grow in wisdom and truth, the refining fires of trial are often the ways that God burns past the nasties that are in our gold and refine us. I want them to face difficulty, feel the emotion but not let it rule them, and move toward a grateful heart. They will make mistakes. They will be handed things that they didn't ask for. But how do we walk in grace in those things? I believe it often starts with a reflection on his past goodness. This is what he reiterated over and over again with Israel when they had current trials. Sometimes he told them how he would solve the problem, but often he did not. Instead, he was showing us a starting point, even when we don't know how to step forward or how to cope with what's happening. I believe that when the Lord has turned my heart toward reflection, it's changed my perspective. I want to teach my children the same thing. He is good, even when our circumstances are not. If we reflect on how good he has been, it will give us a firm foundation to trust in the days to come...even when we don't feel it.
So when my dad takes time to tell me that he's proud of me for something, it does something to me that words really don't suffice to express. So during our time together, my dad said something to me that I've been pondering for days. He told me that he's proud of me because of how I've grown and matured through leaning INTO difficulty.
I've been thinking about what this means and what it means to me as a parent, specifically. Sometimes in life we have trials that have been thrown at us and sometimes it's a mess of our own making. I've had both, just like everyone else. I'm not anything special, I don't have a secret formula, I'm not any more righteous or unscathed by life than anyone else. But the difficulties I have faced, there's been a steadiness that underlies it all that I cannot full explain nor can I produce it within myself. But I look at what my dad said, and I wonder, what are the things the Lord has taught me through all I've gone through, what habits have a built as a result of what I've seen and experienced? How does this affect my parenting?
I've learned that hard things happen. They can come from the inside or the outside. As dad said in one of our conversations, "Nobody signs on the dotted line saying, I'd like to have THIS problem." We often go through things we either didn't ask for or they are natural consequence of things we have chosen. But how we face our difficulties and what results we allow trials to produce in us DOES matter. There have been a lot of situations in my life that have caused me great pain that I couldn't control. I couldn't control the situation or the people in it. But I realized, through doing it wrong many times, that I am responsible for me, I don't get to shove blame. I don't get to say, "If you weren't the way you are, I wouldn't be the way I am." It's simply untrue. My circumstances do not define who I am, neither do other people's treatment of me. I cannot control these things, but I AM accountable for the way I am, the way I behave and the thoughts I have.
But the truth is, I'm just a freaking sinful and selfish as everyone else. My natural inclinations are toward myself, toward wanting to do things my way, to wanting to be right and believing that my self-interest is paramount. Only Christ himself moving my gaze away from myself has changed me. I'm still an immense work in progress. But after my dad said that, I've been reflecting on what God has changed in me that has made me better able to cope through difficulty.
I believe the Lord has been gracious to me in more ways than I could count. It's completely unmerited. But he has moved my heart with each hard thing closer to himself. One of the main things I can pinpoint that's changed my life is attention paid to thankfulness for his past faithfulness. I remember sitting in the hospital with my daughter's head injury that I couldn't explain and Child Protective Services, detectives and social workers grilling me for what felt like an eternity. I was so frantic after being told we couldn't be alone with our kids and being interrogated about every aspect of my marriage and family...that I got home and threw up. Emotion is real. I am always emotional in trial. I was tempted to despair. But I remember so vividly, the Lord slowing me down and prompting me to go through his past faithfulness throughout my life. I just started listing things he had done and seen me through up unto that point. The further I got down the list, the more overwhelmed with his love I became. He reminded me that he sees me. This did not surprise him. He was my ANCHOR (the name of this blog). All anchors have give, but even though I may feel that I am lost at sea, that anchor will pull me back. He was going to hold me through it, but I was responsible for how I behaved in the midst of the pressure of 7 months of social services. There is a balance.
When God slows me down, it's often through gratefulness. How have I leaned into difficulty? It's most often through grateful reflection on life and clinging to the faithfulness that has already been so clear throughout my life. From there, the Lord changes my perspective as I've slowed down. It's a process. It takes time, it is not an overnight thing. But over time, the fear of the situation is no longer the defining factor. The emotion no longer takes the wheel. I believe there is truly a reason the Lord spends so much time in the Old Testament telling Israel, "Don't you remember when I did this or that?...Talk about these with your children..." Israel were handed (or handed themselves) some really tough situations. What was so often God's response? "Remember." There is a powerful thing that happens when we remember the many things we have to be grateful for. Not just a lip service to "Oh yeah, thanks" kind of way. But in a deep and heartfelt thanks for the past faithfulness of God. There's something in us that hits the breaks on the "right here, right now" focus. When we pan out to see the tapestry of our lives, pointing out the moments of grace (and keep in mind it's only the times of grace we are cognizant of!), we start to see a view of our whole tapestry as a opposed to the snapshots in our mind. It takes time to reflect. Does it fix the immediate problem? Often, no. But what it does is it changes us, it changes our perspective, it reminds us that now is not the only time that has ever existed (although it feels that way at the moment).
We, like Israel, often forget from whence we came. Through our fallen nature, we are forgetful creatures. But "leaning into the difficulty" often means looking back at God's faithfulness and, while not seeing how everything is going to work out in the long haul, choosing to put your trust back in him to work all things out for HIS glory. That's what all of our stories are about. Every single one of our tapestries play a part in the beautiful artwork that he is putting together to show himself to the world. He is the main player, he is the one everything ultimately points to. So by looking backward, it causes us to be able to move forward. It doesn't fix the situation, it may not change your emotion, but it refocuses you on that there's a bigger story and a bigger reality than this moment. He sees you in that moment, he loves you in that moment, he sees the pain and the heartache and he knows it well from his own experience. But by gazing over the mountains and the valleys of life causes us to be more aware of who he is and the story he is telling. Through that, he changes our perspective and changes how we pray and how we act.
It is often when we are in our darkest places that we have the chance to see his glory shine the brightest.
I don't want my kids to miss seeing his glory. My propensity as a parent is to protect my kids. I don't want them to be hurt or have to deal with hard things. But the truth is, those hard things give them a chance to see God's faithfulness in the past and the present and, if they let it, it will allow them to entrust the trajectory of their lives to that faithfulness continuing all of their days. The times where I've grown the most have not been my happiest days. They've been the days where I had nothing left. I was at the end of myself. There was no where else to "dig down deep" into. Then I turned my eyes toward Jesus, and saw how he has carried me, and even though I didn't "feel" trusting, I leaned back into my anchor, the one that held me (even when I thought I was floating out to sea). While I do not wish difficulty on my children, I want them to know that difficulty is often the most fertile soil for growth...if they let it happen. I want to point them to slowing down to be grateful for what grace they've experienced up unto this point. I don't want them to be afraid of difficulty, or shy away from trial. If I truly desire for my children to grow in wisdom and truth, the refining fires of trial are often the ways that God burns past the nasties that are in our gold and refine us. I want them to face difficulty, feel the emotion but not let it rule them, and move toward a grateful heart. They will make mistakes. They will be handed things that they didn't ask for. But how do we walk in grace in those things? I believe it often starts with a reflection on his past goodness. This is what he reiterated over and over again with Israel when they had current trials. Sometimes he told them how he would solve the problem, but often he did not. Instead, he was showing us a starting point, even when we don't know how to step forward or how to cope with what's happening. I believe that when the Lord has turned my heart toward reflection, it's changed my perspective. I want to teach my children the same thing. He is good, even when our circumstances are not. If we reflect on how good he has been, it will give us a firm foundation to trust in the days to come...even when we don't feel it.
Sunday, January 1, 2017
Lessons on Rest from Chick-fil-A
The title to this may seem silly to some. But there is a reason for my crazy!
See, this year I have the privilege of contributing one of the 40 daily Lenten devotionals to my church's yearly devotional in the weeks leading up to Easter. I am excited to contribute, but this is also a deeply personal work for me. This past year, in the Easter season of 2016, the Lenten devotional theme was on the book of Job and on trials and questions that come with the pain of life. This devotional was the connecting point for my sister-in-law and I before she passed away this past summer. As much as I'm delighted to contribute, I've also cried some too. I have emails exchanged still in my email box from her to me. It's a beautiful testimony to her growth and increasing peace as she neared the end of her life. I hadn't known my sister-in-law well up unto that point, but that devotional connected us spiritually and emotionally, to the point where she hand wrote me a note calling me her "true sister." I sobbed when I received the note itself. This series of devotionals can change trajectories of lives both inside and outside of my church. I want to honor the Lord, and I want to honor my sister-in-law's memory through my writing. So this blog is actually a processing of what my topic is, and really it's filled with prayer that I can be used, as well as the other writers of the devotionals, to bring glory to God through the messages he wants to bring to those who will interact with this devotional leading up to Easter.
My topic is Lord of the Sabbath, specifically, the original verses of the ten commandments in Exodus that includes the mandate for Sabbath. As I was initially opening the email, I read the topic and the first thing that came to mind was Chick-fil-A.
Yes, Chick-fil-A.
"Why?" you may ask? Because Chick-fil-A takes the prospect of extended rest seriously. They're a much-loved Chicken sandwich fast food company with silly commercials that have cows advocating for you to eat more chicken (instead of beef!) with egregious spelling errors that make you laugh. They're just awesome. The food is good and I swear they force their people to be friendly! I mean, these people are pleasant even with irritating orders in drive thrus, I've never been smarted off to by an employee and they're super accommodating. My husband and I are happy to support them as a whole.
Their owners also happen to be devout Christians. They close every Sunday to advocate for all employees to be with families and to worship if they choose to do so. They also close early the days before some national holidays and they close for every big national holiday. They literally are closed 52 days a year, plus holidays. In business math, that's INSANITY. Do you know how much business you're missing? How much money you're NOT making being open those days? Imagine the money!!
But here's the thing, Chick-fil-A is THE MOST PROFITABLE FAST FOOD CHAIN IN AMERICA. Has been for many years. BY A LANDSLIDE. (feel free to google this info!). God is fully sufficient to meet Chick-fil-A's needs in 6 days instead of 7. The owner's humble desire to honor the Lord, to give their employees a full day's break from demands of business, for them to slow down, go home and be able to have time to engage the people and needs around them...is repaid by God meeting what they need.
That's what Sabbath is. Sabbath isn't a nap time, it's what Tim Keller calls a "soul rest." When we work too much, when we say yes to too many things, when we overcommit our time and resources, this is an exhaustion of the soul that no amount of sleep can help. We are perpetually exhausted. No matter how many naps we take, how many snacks we eat, glasses of wine we drink, yoga we do, nothing alleviates the exhaustion we feel.
Work in and of itself is not evil. Work was implemented in the garden of Eden when everything was perfect. We were designed to work, and it's a beautiful thing. We will not be "angels" up in heaven, on clouds, playing harps. That's utter nonsense, and not biblically supported. We will be living and working in community, as originally and perfectly designed by God in the beginning. It will be amazing. We will be engaged in truly meaningful work because it glorifies our God and the way he made us.
We live in a culture that is far and away obsessed with work. We believe our work gives our lives meaning. The more we stretch our wallets, our time, our resources, or our dedication to our assigned vocation, the more we mean. How often have you had this conversation with a friend?..."How are you?" The answer is one word, "Busy." We validate our existence through our work. We are slaves to our schedules and commitments. We go on vacations to attempt to "get a break" only to realize it doesn't take us too long after getting back to be exhausted all over again and pining for the next vacation.
Sabbath is a rhythm of rest. It's built in. It's a discipline. It takes extended down time. It's a two fold rest. It's a time of liberation from our work. It's a time where we are reminded that we are NOT our accomplishments. We are not slaves to our work. It is also a time of trust, where we realize that our ability to work, the sales we get, the money we make, the ego we get from a job well done, does not actually come from ourselves at all. It comes from God himself. We trust him to provide for our needs. We may not get "excess," but we trust him to know and provide for our needs, and therefore the "letting go" of time and commitment to connect with him in worship and to be able to just "be" is actually us acknowledging the sovereignty of God over every single aspect of our lives. Sabbath is meant to be a time of restoration of the things that are the foundation underneath the mere physicality of our bodies. This is what Jesus himself focuses on when he speaks of Sabbath during his days of ministry. Sabbath is a time of RESTORATION of the things that matter. This requires time, discipline and regularity.
Tim Keller likens this to REM sleep of the soul. Sure, you can take 8 one hour naps in a day and say that you've gotten your "8 hours of sleep in." However, any sleep expert will tell you that in order to get the deep RESTORATIVE sleep that your body actually needs, you have to sleep for a certain period of time straight through. The same is true of life. We wonder why a half hour run makes us feel good for a little bit, but doesn't change our overall exhaustion level. Why do our once or twice a year vacations just give life a little shot in the arm to make life feel a bit better, but doesn't change our outlook for long? Why do our nights out give us a small reprieve, but we head back to our commitments and are overwhelmed again?
Because we are "napping" instead of taking regular deep rest. A rest that says, "We are not our work." A rest that brings us back to center REGULARLY. It doesn't have to be a full day, that's not the point. But it's a built in regular time, whether weekly or biweekly, that we sit back and look at what we accomplish and say, "It is good, but it is not my meaning. He has defined who I am. He has paid the price to reconcile me to himself. He has deemed me a loved child in his family. He sees my need and will provide for it. I haven't been lazy, I have done what I can. Now, I will sit and enjoy Him and all he has given me and gaze on his glory...knowing that it is enough for all of life."
We need to find a discipline of rest in our lives. It is built into us, if we don't take a deep breath and rest our souls in Him regularly, we will keep going in our meaningless striving and keep wondering why we are so tired. We were designed for a balance of work and full, deep rest.
I don't know what this looks like for me. I don't know what it looks like for you. I know I'm headed into a busy time in life. I have 3 kids under 3. I have a part time job. I have grad school starting in a couple of weeks. I look at my life and I say, HOW DO I BUILD REST IN?!?! God, don't You know rest will not be possible for me? I'll have assignments, I will have work, I will have kids grabbing at me, a husband who needs me. Don't you see my chaos?...And he whispers back, "Yes. That's why you NEED to come to me and find rest in me. My burden is easy and my yoke is light. Come to me, my child. You need me." I don't have any answers.
But with school starting in a couple of weeks, I believe he has stopped me here on this subject to get me to reflect before I add to my chaos. I need to figure out what building in rest means for me. I have no answers. But as I prepare to write this devotional, I kinda wanted to write my reflections. I think in some ways, I'm scared of rest. I'm scared of reflection. I'd sooner grab for my phone and busy my mind rather than have 15 min of allowing an "inactive" time. Maybe I do believe that the busier I am, or at least the busier I feel, the more my life means. Maybe down time is a scary thing because of what it will reveal about me, or what it reveals about God, or life in general? I don't know why I have such a hard time being quiet. But I can tell you, I am a slave to my own busyness, and I some how get off on it. I like being busy. Slowing down feels like worthless time. But what if slowing down is actually some of the most significant time there is? What if I'm missing some of the beauty and depth of life offered in Him because I don't slow down? What if I do build in time to just "be," to allow the feelings and worship to come in unstructured ways? Will it change me, would it change my life for the better?
But I look at Chick-fil-A's example, and I think, "What do they understand about the Sabbath that the Lord honors? What am I missing?" I know I need to allow the liberation, the trust, and the restoration that an intentional, regular Sabbath brings to truly take hold.
Maybe if we all took a lesson from Chick-fil-A as a culture, our whole culture may be better for it?
I may not be able to change a whole culture, but I know I can start with me. So, I will go forward in these next couple of weeks asking Him what he wants me to do in my days, weeks and years to come. I believe He has brought me to this topic right now for a reason. I need to have a listening ear to see what changes he wants to make in me. And maybe those changes will be the insights I need to write this brief devotional by Tuesday. We shall see.
Any prayers are appreciated.
See, this year I have the privilege of contributing one of the 40 daily Lenten devotionals to my church's yearly devotional in the weeks leading up to Easter. I am excited to contribute, but this is also a deeply personal work for me. This past year, in the Easter season of 2016, the Lenten devotional theme was on the book of Job and on trials and questions that come with the pain of life. This devotional was the connecting point for my sister-in-law and I before she passed away this past summer. As much as I'm delighted to contribute, I've also cried some too. I have emails exchanged still in my email box from her to me. It's a beautiful testimony to her growth and increasing peace as she neared the end of her life. I hadn't known my sister-in-law well up unto that point, but that devotional connected us spiritually and emotionally, to the point where she hand wrote me a note calling me her "true sister." I sobbed when I received the note itself. This series of devotionals can change trajectories of lives both inside and outside of my church. I want to honor the Lord, and I want to honor my sister-in-law's memory through my writing. So this blog is actually a processing of what my topic is, and really it's filled with prayer that I can be used, as well as the other writers of the devotionals, to bring glory to God through the messages he wants to bring to those who will interact with this devotional leading up to Easter.
My topic is Lord of the Sabbath, specifically, the original verses of the ten commandments in Exodus that includes the mandate for Sabbath. As I was initially opening the email, I read the topic and the first thing that came to mind was Chick-fil-A.
Yes, Chick-fil-A.
"Why?" you may ask? Because Chick-fil-A takes the prospect of extended rest seriously. They're a much-loved Chicken sandwich fast food company with silly commercials that have cows advocating for you to eat more chicken (instead of beef!) with egregious spelling errors that make you laugh. They're just awesome. The food is good and I swear they force their people to be friendly! I mean, these people are pleasant even with irritating orders in drive thrus, I've never been smarted off to by an employee and they're super accommodating. My husband and I are happy to support them as a whole.
Their owners also happen to be devout Christians. They close every Sunday to advocate for all employees to be with families and to worship if they choose to do so. They also close early the days before some national holidays and they close for every big national holiday. They literally are closed 52 days a year, plus holidays. In business math, that's INSANITY. Do you know how much business you're missing? How much money you're NOT making being open those days? Imagine the money!!
But here's the thing, Chick-fil-A is THE MOST PROFITABLE FAST FOOD CHAIN IN AMERICA. Has been for many years. BY A LANDSLIDE. (feel free to google this info!). God is fully sufficient to meet Chick-fil-A's needs in 6 days instead of 7. The owner's humble desire to honor the Lord, to give their employees a full day's break from demands of business, for them to slow down, go home and be able to have time to engage the people and needs around them...is repaid by God meeting what they need.
That's what Sabbath is. Sabbath isn't a nap time, it's what Tim Keller calls a "soul rest." When we work too much, when we say yes to too many things, when we overcommit our time and resources, this is an exhaustion of the soul that no amount of sleep can help. We are perpetually exhausted. No matter how many naps we take, how many snacks we eat, glasses of wine we drink, yoga we do, nothing alleviates the exhaustion we feel.
Work in and of itself is not evil. Work was implemented in the garden of Eden when everything was perfect. We were designed to work, and it's a beautiful thing. We will not be "angels" up in heaven, on clouds, playing harps. That's utter nonsense, and not biblically supported. We will be living and working in community, as originally and perfectly designed by God in the beginning. It will be amazing. We will be engaged in truly meaningful work because it glorifies our God and the way he made us.
We live in a culture that is far and away obsessed with work. We believe our work gives our lives meaning. The more we stretch our wallets, our time, our resources, or our dedication to our assigned vocation, the more we mean. How often have you had this conversation with a friend?..."How are you?" The answer is one word, "Busy." We validate our existence through our work. We are slaves to our schedules and commitments. We go on vacations to attempt to "get a break" only to realize it doesn't take us too long after getting back to be exhausted all over again and pining for the next vacation.
Sabbath is a rhythm of rest. It's built in. It's a discipline. It takes extended down time. It's a two fold rest. It's a time of liberation from our work. It's a time where we are reminded that we are NOT our accomplishments. We are not slaves to our work. It is also a time of trust, where we realize that our ability to work, the sales we get, the money we make, the ego we get from a job well done, does not actually come from ourselves at all. It comes from God himself. We trust him to provide for our needs. We may not get "excess," but we trust him to know and provide for our needs, and therefore the "letting go" of time and commitment to connect with him in worship and to be able to just "be" is actually us acknowledging the sovereignty of God over every single aspect of our lives. Sabbath is meant to be a time of restoration of the things that are the foundation underneath the mere physicality of our bodies. This is what Jesus himself focuses on when he speaks of Sabbath during his days of ministry. Sabbath is a time of RESTORATION of the things that matter. This requires time, discipline and regularity.
Tim Keller likens this to REM sleep of the soul. Sure, you can take 8 one hour naps in a day and say that you've gotten your "8 hours of sleep in." However, any sleep expert will tell you that in order to get the deep RESTORATIVE sleep that your body actually needs, you have to sleep for a certain period of time straight through. The same is true of life. We wonder why a half hour run makes us feel good for a little bit, but doesn't change our overall exhaustion level. Why do our once or twice a year vacations just give life a little shot in the arm to make life feel a bit better, but doesn't change our outlook for long? Why do our nights out give us a small reprieve, but we head back to our commitments and are overwhelmed again?
Because we are "napping" instead of taking regular deep rest. A rest that says, "We are not our work." A rest that brings us back to center REGULARLY. It doesn't have to be a full day, that's not the point. But it's a built in regular time, whether weekly or biweekly, that we sit back and look at what we accomplish and say, "It is good, but it is not my meaning. He has defined who I am. He has paid the price to reconcile me to himself. He has deemed me a loved child in his family. He sees my need and will provide for it. I haven't been lazy, I have done what I can. Now, I will sit and enjoy Him and all he has given me and gaze on his glory...knowing that it is enough for all of life."
We need to find a discipline of rest in our lives. It is built into us, if we don't take a deep breath and rest our souls in Him regularly, we will keep going in our meaningless striving and keep wondering why we are so tired. We were designed for a balance of work and full, deep rest.
I don't know what this looks like for me. I don't know what it looks like for you. I know I'm headed into a busy time in life. I have 3 kids under 3. I have a part time job. I have grad school starting in a couple of weeks. I look at my life and I say, HOW DO I BUILD REST IN?!?! God, don't You know rest will not be possible for me? I'll have assignments, I will have work, I will have kids grabbing at me, a husband who needs me. Don't you see my chaos?...And he whispers back, "Yes. That's why you NEED to come to me and find rest in me. My burden is easy and my yoke is light. Come to me, my child. You need me." I don't have any answers.
But with school starting in a couple of weeks, I believe he has stopped me here on this subject to get me to reflect before I add to my chaos. I need to figure out what building in rest means for me. I have no answers. But as I prepare to write this devotional, I kinda wanted to write my reflections. I think in some ways, I'm scared of rest. I'm scared of reflection. I'd sooner grab for my phone and busy my mind rather than have 15 min of allowing an "inactive" time. Maybe I do believe that the busier I am, or at least the busier I feel, the more my life means. Maybe down time is a scary thing because of what it will reveal about me, or what it reveals about God, or life in general? I don't know why I have such a hard time being quiet. But I can tell you, I am a slave to my own busyness, and I some how get off on it. I like being busy. Slowing down feels like worthless time. But what if slowing down is actually some of the most significant time there is? What if I'm missing some of the beauty and depth of life offered in Him because I don't slow down? What if I do build in time to just "be," to allow the feelings and worship to come in unstructured ways? Will it change me, would it change my life for the better?
But I look at Chick-fil-A's example, and I think, "What do they understand about the Sabbath that the Lord honors? What am I missing?" I know I need to allow the liberation, the trust, and the restoration that an intentional, regular Sabbath brings to truly take hold.
Maybe if we all took a lesson from Chick-fil-A as a culture, our whole culture may be better for it?
I may not be able to change a whole culture, but I know I can start with me. So, I will go forward in these next couple of weeks asking Him what he wants me to do in my days, weeks and years to come. I believe He has brought me to this topic right now for a reason. I need to have a listening ear to see what changes he wants to make in me. And maybe those changes will be the insights I need to write this brief devotional by Tuesday. We shall see.
Any prayers are appreciated.
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