I have been contemplating my friendships in life of late. I had to fill out a sheet that reflected on my friendships both past and present. I realized because of that exercise how much movement had happened throughout my adult life. It also made me see how fondly I thought of so many people. But I also immediately felt guilt about how many friends I had not seen or talked to recently. Did they know that I would always care? Should I start trying to plan lunches with people? But that would take forever and I have the kids all day, school at night and church job on the weekends? I love all of these people and I struggled feeling like maybe I had abandoned some of them. It may be silly, but friendship is so important to me and I invest in a lot of people over time.
I spent some time this week praying about what weighed on my heart. As I listened to my God-Centered Mom podcast, her interview this week was a review episode with Susan Seay from a couple of years ago. She was talking about shifting friendships for all of us as humankind, saying she had heard an illustration about friendships being trains. We all have individual tracks that we are assigned to our train. None of our paths are the same. However, we do meet at certain stations that we are assigned to go to. Sometimes we stay longer at a station than others and we create deeper connections, but we still eventually leaves. Our friendships have seasons, some shorter and some longer, but they are all designed for us at certain times and certain places with certain depths to them. Seay even made the point that sometimes we are reluctant to leave our designated stations because of the connections we have made. We resist leaving because we are so comfortable where we are and who we are with that it makes us resist good and God-given change. However, because God is sovereign, we will always get to where we need to be.
This analogy gave me food for thought. It is hard for me to accept that I can only be with people that I care about for a time. Loyalty is one of my top priorities and I don't like the feeling of "leaving others behind." It may sound silly, but it's true. My friends know me to be a loyal and kind friend and I wouldn't want to be seen any other way. I see people as valuable and relationships as virtual gold. So, this illustration was both stressful and relieving to me at the same time. I know I'm not perfect, but I really try to have the backs of my friends as much as I can and don't mind moving things around to do things for them or be there for them. But this was a reality check for me, and maybe it is for other friends who struggle with friendships when they "shift." The only thing that is forever is our relationship with Christ and we are to be, of course, dedicated in our lives with our spouses and children. But God has me on a set on tracks that he has designed.
My friends in different geographic locations, my single years, my initial married years, my initial parenting years and now my work-school-parenting-spousal years are different. I need to remind myself that it's okay that it is this way! My friends also have their own tracks, and we shared a station for a designated time! What a beautiful thing for us! We were able to love and encourage each other for those assigned seasons and then the Lord led us on with the sweet marks of those friendships still living on in our lives. We are who we are because partially those friends were who they were and had the relationship we had. God gets the glory from all of the pieces of our lives, including these relationships that have their times and seasons. He shows us his grace through those relationships, in all of their ups and downs. But just because I am not close with all of the people I used to be close to doesn't mean it wasn't God's design to have it that way. He has his purpose and he has designed my life and yours to get all of the glory from it, in all of our relationships: past, present and future.
I'm the type of person who will always care, will always want to catch up with a friend I haven't seen in ages...my friends always matter to me and I have open arms for them! But just because the intimacy of friendships dissipate over time and in different seasons, doesn't mean it is not a purposeful or meaningful relationship designed by God. So, instead of being fearful of shifting friendships (especially for me in this time of work-school-parenting-spousal years...my life is NUTS!), I will choose to trust in the God who has put me on the train track I'm on, I will love and cultivate the relationships he puts in my stations, and I will desire to follow him (even in leaving those stations). I will always mourn relationships that change intimacy levels, because my heart just loves people and hurts in loss, but I will not panic about the change itself. I will work to be responsible with the hearts of my dear friends...but also accept my season and draw appropriate and God-honoring boundaries in my life.
I'm a work in progress. But this analogy has helped give me food for thought!
